Some people think success in Iife comes from hard work and determination, but others think there are more important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

What is the key to be a successful in life has been a topic of many competing and, at times, contradictory voices. Personally, I believe that diligence and determination can lead to accomplishment, whereas wealth and looks do not playkey important rolesinfor achieving success in life.

Determination and diligence are some of the most important factors to achieve success for both study and work. Determination is the prerequisite for hardworking. Without determination, it is hard to achieve the desired goalfor an individuals, but conquering difficulties along the waycan bringbenefits for them . Without diligence, however, determination is not going to get anyone to anywhere. Any achievement, both at school or workplace, requiresfor deep understanding ofthe necessary knowledge and skills, which certainly call for hard effort and dedication to acquire. Just as what Thomas Edison once saidthat,“Success is 1% inspiration plus 99% perspiration.”Tim Cook,as the CEO of Apple, is known for getting up early and sending out company emails at 4.30in the morning. And In addition he works late too, priding himself on being the firstin the office and the last out. His diligence is surely one of the major reason why he can reach the executive level.

Some people may argue that money and appearance are more important factors to make achievement . It is true that they may help to a certain some extent. Money may enable one people to get better education and have access to the best resources. Appearance might be helpful for someone who works in the show business. However, money does not guaranteecannot be assurance that a student of a rich family background will get into the best university and get the best jobafter they were graduated . AndMoreoverit is a fact that even in the show business entertainment industry, not all successful actors and actresses are good-looking. The well-known Chinese actor named Ge You and the comedian Pan Changjiangmay serve as good examples.

To conclude, hard-working and determination arethe keys to success in life, whereas appearance and money only can show play unimportant role infor people’s achievement.

Task Response: 7
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Hi. I am rating this essay with an estimated score of 6.5. Clearly, you have an above average understanding of the task topic. You were able to group your ideas accordingly as well. Both of your introduction and conclusion are actually good. Put special focus as well on word choice to sound smoother and to avoid repetition of the word. Kindly refer to the corrections I made to improve your essay.

--murphy


Edited Version:

What is the key to be successful in life has been a topic of many contradictory voices. Personally, I believe that diligence and determination can lead to accomplishment, whereas wealth and looks do not play important roles for achieving success in life.

Determination and diligence are some of the most important factors to achieve success for both study and work. Determination is the prerequisite for hardworking. Without determination, it is hard to achieve the desired goal for an individuals, but conquering difficulties along the way can bring benefits for them. Without diligence, however, determination is not going to get anyone to anywhere.Any achievement, both at school or workplace, requires for deep understanding of the necessary knowledge and skills, which certainly call for hard effort and dedication to acquire. Just as what Thomas Edison once said that, “Success is 1% inspiration plus 99% perspiration.” Tim Cook,as the CEO of Apple, is known for getting up early and sending out company emails at 4.30in the morning. In addition he works late too, priding himself on being the first in the office and the last out. His diligence is surely one of the major reason why he can reach the executive level.

Some people may argue that money and appearance are more important factors to make achievement. It is true that they may help to a certain extent. Money may enable people to get better education and have access to the best resources. Appearance might be helpful for someone who works in the show business. However, money cannot be assurance that a student of a rich family background will get into the best university and get the best job after they were graduated. Moreover it is a fact that even in the entertainment industry, not all successful actors and actresses are good-looking. The well-known Chinese actor named Ge You and the comedian Pan Changjiang may serve as good examples.

To conclude, hard-working and determination arethe keys to success in life, whereas appearance and money only can show unimportant role for people’s achievement.